Realising that things can change may have been a big step...
I've realised that for the past ten years I have ALWAYS had 'something' wrong i.e means of expressing, taking out pain, anger etc.
I am always hurting inside. I don't really know why. I know that there are so many people so much worse off, and that I have nothing to feel bad about. But I just do.
I guess that's why I need vices, be it controlling food, self-harm, drugs etcetc It moves the pain and becomes self-inflicted and then I can cope with it.
I can't imagine life without these things. I can't imagine just...being. Being happy.
Despite all of the above...I am not a depressing person..! I still find enjoyment in things, and am in fact often in the best moods when I feel in control...ie when I am 'coping' with life
Ok...a cliche, but in literally a few days of reflecting, talking, discussing, realising, things have already taken a turn for the better.
Never hide from or run away from things. face up to them, realise issues, talk about them. Write them down, anything. Making them into a physical thing, through writing or discussion or whatever makes them so much easier to be dealt with.
How funny that eventually my ways of 'coping' became issues themselves. Hiding or masking problems is never coping with them. Coping with them is realising that they are there, dealing with them. Even if they are forever a part of you, understanding
Perhaps it took for things to get to a point...perhaps I needed to hit rock bottom to realise that I HAD to dig myself out of all the shit.
I'm Grateful For
My true friends. Who GET me.
My boyfriend. The only time I have felt truly happy recently are because of him.
My family. My mum and sisters, because I know they're there.
My talent. I have had so many times of doubting myself due to other people, but I keep reminding myself that I am talented and must believe in myself.
Simple things that are infinitely important: warmth, material items, friendship, love, food, prospects
to add to my true friends...who not only get me without me having to say much, but who do not judge. I love you.
To get through college and get my degree.
To stop letting other people make me doubt myself and my passion.
To gain my confidence and self-belief back.
To find my passion and determination again.
To reach my full potential
To not let years of dreams, hope and passion go to waste.
Trying my hardest. That way, whatever happens, I have not failed.
I Commit To...
Getting my work done, gritting my teeth and getting on with college so that I can leave knowing I have acheived something.
Building my own suit of armour so that I stop getting broken by others.
keep learning, keep growing.
My Favorite Quotes
Keep your feet on the ground and your eyes on the stars.
Aim for the sky. Then, even if you fall, you will land among the stars.
My Favorite Reflectors